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christin0
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Name: Christine Oh
Birthday: 1/1/1990
Interests: Ironing wrinkly things, music, Swedish fish, psychoanalyzing people, I like interesting conversations, ice cream, cake, ice cream cake, reading at Barnes & Nobles, philosophy, smell of Sharpie markers, existentialism, Emerson, and good food.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
1/24/2004
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| Some of my usernames for other things is "dreams2ashes"....
Dreams to ashes. Because that's how I felt growing up. Discouragement kills desire. She reaches for that streetcar. Misses... as dreams burn to ashes.
Lack of money and discouragement from my family and stuff like that brought them all down. I keep saying "Dreams have expiration dates." My previous entry would go against that.
I'm pretty sure God want's us to dream, have a vision, hope-- whatever you want to call it. So what am I supposed to do.. Refurbish all of those dreams I had in my past?
But maybe those blocks were put there because I was dreaming the wrong dream. Dreaming someone else's dream. Not something that was tailored specifically for me.
"If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means they are being purified."-- Oswald Chambers
So then... what was I made for?
Specifically. I want specifics. I already know those answers "We were created for God/love God/ serve God/ serve others"
No, what was I made for? What were the specific passions, skills/talents God had in mind when he created me????????????????
I don't see it. I've known a lot of deep and spiritual people in my life (all older than me since I never had friends my age). Most of them were pastors. They don't know each other but they all would say or prophesize that I would become "great" in the future. There's also a Korean proverb that says "The greatest people come from poverty."
Sometimes I feel like that's a fucking joke because "great" (from God's perspective) really means being the most insignificant and lowliest and that really conflicts with my human nature, enough to make me groan.
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| I'm torn between Xanga classic and Xanga themes. I want a layout that just shows one entry and nothing else because I feel like this is hard to read/too many words all over the place.... but I can't bring myself to part with the old Xanga... I started this when I was 14 so I wanted to keep it like this. ahhhhh
Oh yeah I updated the layout for my blogspot. Freakn took forever to edit the CSS code but it was totally worth it. Pretty much random less serious stuff.
I have a xanga rendition of it but I might quit that one b/c trying to be active in the Xanga community is too time consuming and annoying and I realized I'm blogging to please and not blogging to speak my mind and that bothers me.
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| Good book: The Last Lecture by Randy Pausche. Randy Pausche was a professor at Carnegie Mellon U and had terminal cancer. He writes about achieving all of his childhood dreams.
Lately that's what God's been telling me. Don't give up my childhood dreams, as selfish as they may be. Don't stop dreaming. KEEP DREAMING!! Dreaming implies faith.
Pauch also wrote about how we should enable other people's dreams as well. This is something I feel passionately about. Encouraging people to be all that they were made to be. However, I never say anything untrue just to make people feel better.
It saddens me when people laugh at other people's desires and dreams. I take offense on behalf of the person being laughed at. Growing up in such a limited environment really discouraged me. I'm still discouraged. I still feel behind. But I want to overcome with faith. Pauch said that brick walls are there so that we can prove how badly we want things.
"Luck is when preparation meets opportunity."
Prepare. I want to show God how badly I want something, but also remember and keep in check that it is still God I'm serving, not myself. But I realize as humans and the nature of dreaming in itself prevents us from doing this 100%. But that's the beauty of gifts and blessings. He gives even if it means he doesn't get anything back, even if it means we end up serving ourselves at times.
In the past I often dreamed with the motive of glorifying myself. To be in the spotlight and all... to feel better and more talented than other people, to feel superior.
I don't want that anymore. I still want some of my old dreams to come true, but I want to use them for other things instead of using them solely for my personal glory and to raise my self esteem.
I learned that whenever God gives you something, he puts more responsibility on you, he expects MORE from you... to use your skills, talents and experiences for God and for others, on top of enjoying it yourself. I think God wants us to realize that first. THEN, the action can start...if you dare to believe. I definitely would not have been able to handle that responsibility had I achieved my dreams in the past.
Also I heard somewhere that, "We always get what we want, just not in the way we expect it." Sometimes we think we want something when our hearts just wants something else and we misinterpret that.... like if someone thinks she wants to become an actress... maybe what she really wants is to be confident. This concept totally confuses my dreams.
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| Me: 
Them: 
ahaahahahaa
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| That friend I was talking about last entry is half black and half Korean. His mom is Korean and I asked him how well she could speak English. He said that her English wasn't very good, she didn't make an effort to practice/strengthen her language skills.
I hear about people from different cultures getting married. Different languages. I wonder... how do they talk? How do they understand each other?
Like, how do they share their most intimate thoughts? I mean isn't this the foundation of love and deep relationships?
I asked my friend this and he was like "I don't know. I guess there never was a connection." His parents are divorced.
Even if they have basic knowledge of the language, they still don't know how to express themselves when it comes to complex and articulate thoughts/feelings. I speak basic Spanish and I can't express my deepest feelings through them. But then again, I can barely do that in English.
Or maybe that's what love is...just knowing and understanding the complexities of another person's thoughts/emotions without them having to say a word.
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