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christin0
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Name: Christine Oh
Country: United States
State: New York
Metro: Long Island
Birthday: 1/1/1990
Interests: Ironing wrinkly things, music, Swedish fish, psychoanalyzing people, I like interesting conversations, ice cream, cake, ice cream cake, reading at Barnes & Nobles, philosophy, smell of Sharpie markers, existentialism, Emerson, and good food.
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/24/2004
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| I have some habits that I don't realize I do that other people have pointed out to me. One of them is parroting. When I hear phrases or words that I like, I repeat them out loud. lol I don't know why I do it, I guess it's my way of sort of laughing/appreciating. It just kind of slips out, like I have Tourettes or something. I also repeat phrases or words if a person says it in a funny way.
I was having a convo with my friend and we were talking about 'friends' aka. acquaintances and how he's not really friends with them.
him: It's not like I get called to come out...
him: or people add me on MSN or AIM or anything
him: and that's telling to me
I like that phrase. "And that's telling to me." You don't really hear people in the US saying that phrase. It's like a softer way of saying "That's indicative".... but more than that.
I really enjoy my photo class and teacher. My teacher looks like Einstein and says corny jokes that only I find funny. (But this class is annoying because I have a high liklihood of getting a 4.0 this semester if I didn't have this class. There's no way of predicting my performance in this class. )
My first assignment is a People Feature. Pictures of people doing things that show typical campus life... "private moments"...."found moments (not posed)"..... "telling moments."
I want my pictures to be "And that's telling to me." I want my pictures to be "And that's telling to me" to other people. You know what I mean? I think that's what photography is all about.... when a picture is telling.... something to someone.
So you know how I instintually react to someone when they say an interesting phrase? I want to evoke that kind of instinctual reaction with my photos.
I learned that if you try hard at something creativity-related, a lot of the times you're gonna do worse because it's forced. Just be. I try to put myself in a child mindset and live in my own world. 'Cause as Kanye says "When you try hard, then you die hard." LOL i'm so ghetto.
www.erickimphotography.com- This guy inspires me so much. His pictures make me want to do street photography. His timing is so incredible, it's amazing how he ties in many concepts in one shot.
http://ndm.xanga.com/- I like his pictures, I'm not sure why. Maybe having them on xanga makes it more personable, making you to like them more.
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| It's so easy to be joyful when things aren't going wrong in your life.
me: and I'm majoring in Spanish along with psych and PR (all so useless)
E: Triple major
E: That all adds up to 1 real major
me: LOL AHAHAHA
I'm pretty optimistic these days because I realized that I can triple major and go abroad three times to Chile, Spain and London (and have SU pay for it) and still graduate on time. And also, I get to learn what I've always longed to do when I was a kid- graphic arts, photography and all that creative outlet stuff.
I remember that kid Tom who stayed at our house where he received the gift of tongue and prophecy and said that I would do extremely well in school. I was skeptical because doing extremely well in school meant getting a perfect GPA and to me, that was just relatively ordinary. But maybe God was speaking of a different kind of 'doing extremely well' as in getting to have all of these great experiences.
I know now, that one of the reasons why God held back physical/worldy blessings from me and my family is because he wanted to teach us and change our hearts to be more humble. I learned that when God does give you a physical blessing (ex. money, talent, etc.) he expects you to do something with it. You have more responsibility. The more experiences you have, the more countries you travel to, the talents and skills... you have more of a expectancy to honor or give back to God. It's not mandatory though.
And if I had grown up with those things, I would not have fulfilled that. I wouldn't have served God and give back with a truly thankful heart. My only expectancy was to love God and at times, I couldn't even do that.
Lately I've been thanking God a lot for healing me.
Sometimes I feel like, "Hey God, since I had a rough childhood/adolescense, don't you think you owe it to me to give me a great future? Are you gonna even things out?" But this thought only flickers through my mind before I realize that this is so wrong. Not wrong as in incorrect. But wrong as in, that's messed up of me.
It's messed up because God never owed anything to me. He already gave the ultimate gift and so how could he owe me something?
It's really me who owes God something. But he doens't even mandate that. I just want to.
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| When I was eight my piano teacher chose me to be the model for his brochure/flyer thing advertising his lessons. Even though we never really had money, my mom somehow managed for use to get those piano lessons. Lots of discounts and stuff.
As a gift for being his model he gave me a camera. Not a disposable one and back then there were no digital cameras. The kinds where you put film in and get it developed. I was really excited and wanted to use it right away. The prospect of a new hobby intrigued me. My mom said she would get film for me but she never did even though I kept asking. She eventually took the camera and hid it from me so I would forget about it. Obviously I never did and later realized it was because we didn't have much money to buy film and develop photos for an eight year old's frivolous interests.
In middle school and high school I went on church retreats where everyone had digital cameras.. I wanted one too so I could take funny pictures and memories. I would love and jump at the chance when people let me use their camera for a picture or two, right before they would snatch it back.
When I was 16 my dad was randomly calling me again and so he asked me what I wanted and I said a digital camera. He sent me one and I was so so happy when I got it in the mail. When my mom came home from work that day she went ballistic on me. I remember it so well. Who needs a camera when you have a crystal clear emotion attached memory? She was mad that I didn't ask for money when I should have. She said I was selfish. She didn't understand that my dad never sends money, he wants to send gifts.
After that my initial joy was tarnished and I didn't like to use the camera. I felt guilty when I used it.
In high school there was a black and white photography class but you had to have your own 35 mm camera and photo paper and film and they were too expensive. I wanted to take this so bad and I asked the guidance counselors if the school could somehow sponsor or lend me a camera. They said no.
On graduation day my mom had one of her usual crazy raging tantrums but this time it was like times ten for a stupid reason (I wasn't being enthusiastic enough about graduating). After we got home she shoved a box in my face and when I opened it it was a better digital camera that her friend had bought for me. Well, that ruined that.
Every negative experience and memory I had with photography.. every financial limitation just kept pushing me down and discouraging me. Every time it made me even more timid to try it. What if I'm just not good at it? What if I try all this and it just happens to be a waste of money? That was my thought process throughout the years. What if it wasn't what I expected?
I think I would have been a good photographer had I started at eight. Because when you're a kid, you don't think. You just do. You don't think about trying to take a 'good' picture. It just happens. Why do kids lose this instinct as they get older?
So this semester I'm taking a photo class that uses a DSLR. Luckily, they let me borrow a DSLR and I'm kind of excited. The good part is that I get to learn what I've always wanted to learn. The bad part is that this may affect my GPA and I'm also apprehensive about my performance. I want to be good and I don't like to disappoint myself.
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| On facebook there's a place to fill out "religion." When I first joined facebook ('06 back when it was awesome) I put 'G.' (he doesn't have a last name initial haha). I don't like the connotation of the word religion though.
Then I changed it to 'feeding sheep.' People think this is random.. but I have a reason for everything. I actually got a message asking if I was of Navajo descent because of this LOL.
There's this scene in the Bible where Jesus asks Peter...
Jesus12250: Peter, do you love (agape) me more than everything?
PeterRocks: Yes Lord I love (phileo) you...
Jesus12250: Do you love me?
PeterRocks: You know that I do.
Jesus12250: Peter, do you love me?
PeterRocks: Yes, you know everything. You know I do..
Jesus12250: Then feed my sheep.
Yeah, that's my 21st century version of how the convo went lol. So that's where I got the feeding sheep part from. Some people (who don't know god) ask me what that means... and when I explain to them the scene, they like my answer because it's meaningful.
These days I've been thinking about the whole thing on sharing faith. There's that way of thinking on 'let your actions speak louder than words' and that if you live out faith, then people will be affected by it. "Preach all times, and use words only when you have to."
Then there are those people who think you should actively and directly approach people about it.
The Church seems to push the second one more than the first. Some people might say you have to be fearless and approach people about faith directly in conversation. They think that the first 'through actions' is passive. I've noticed some of these people tend to quote Bible verses a lot and put them on facebook.
These days with the misinformation on christianity, I don't want to be all 'preachy' and so I try to be covert in my ways of trying to share my faith. That's why I put 'feeding sheep' in my profile. I like showing things through my actions and yeah, it might be passive but I think that it suits my personality better. People will notice a difference in just the way you act and uphold your joy despite harsh circumstances.
I used to be the second when I was young and dumb... Then it seemed that people were turned off by it. Also, it lost it's core- it became less about wanting other people to experience the love and it became into trying to market/persuade people. I realized this trap and so I became kind of passive.
This depressed person once asked me... "Christine, how do you do it?.. How do you get through life...?" I answered this evasively/convolutedley and used the word Love in place of God. I regret this. That was the time to be direct and voice my faith.
In my opinion, one isn't more important than the other. I prefer being covert about faith. Sometimes small things can make a big impact. I just think people need to know when to use which and take into consideration the other person's personality. God made us all different so there are different ways and some people just like to be covert in their ways. And he'll prevail anyway so it's not like I feel guilty that I'm not upholding my 'duties' in sharing faith because there essentially are no duties of loving God but to love him.
And I think truly loving God is sharing faith. Love tends to seep through everything you do and how you act. example) I can't blog about my life without talking about God.
That was my realization for the week. Another realization is the inverse relationship of "Having a Life" and "Time Spent on Internet/blogging."
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| I think that I only really want certain things just to one-up other people [insert name(s) of girls I know who I compare to myself to all the time]... or to impress/wow/awe other people. I don't realize that I do this but I asked myself- If I had never met these girls... how would my life be different? Would I still want these certain things? That's when I realized that I don't really want certain things... I just think I do.
The same day I asked myself that, I bought 2 boxes of Welch's grape fruit snack thing (the purple kind). When I ate my first one it made my mouth water from all of the flavor. Purple grape flavor tastes so good. And it was the grapey-est grape flavor ever! I ate like 5 packs. But after my second pack the taste wasn't as strong and the grapeyness was gone. It just tasted like flavorless jelly with just a hint of fruityness. I just kept eating more just because I was hungry but I didn't get the great grape flavor.
Totally out-there analogy, but that's how I saw how it would be if I were to get everything I thought I wanted. At first it would seem so great. But after awhile, it becomes tasteless and unfulfilling. This happens to people who win the lottery. Their happiness subsides after about 2 weeks- loses its taste.
That's why I'm glad God is smart and knows when I want things and when I think I want things.
I have an attachment to God and I don't know why. Or maybe attraction is the right word since I gravitate towards him for no good reason.
A lot of people have these great moving testimonies of how they met God. I don't really have one. This is why I find the whole 'sharing your faith' thing odd. I wish I could tell a story where I met God and he changed everything and all that but... the change is slow and it's hard to sum it up into a story. These kinds of stories sometimes remind me of trying to market him (like a proactiv infomerical haha). And the change hasn't been completed yet so I can't tell a nice story.... not even a summary.
For me, it's not a matter of Does God exist? Because even if I had the worst happening to me and people were telling me there was no God and all signs pointed in that direction, in my heart I would still want him to exist, and thereby believe that he does. If I chose to believe otherwise, then I would never get an explanation of why bad things were happening to me. People say I'm too curious. Hope.
So it's not a matter of Does he exist or not? It's a matter of.... why do I exist? What is my specific purpose? Why'd he create me for? Everyone's -specific- mission is different.
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