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christin0
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Name: Christine
Birthday: 1/1/1990
Interests: Ironing wrinkly things, music, Swedish fish, psychoanalyzing people, I like interesting conversations, ice cream, cake, ice cream cake, reading at Barnes & Nobles, philosophy, smell of Sharpie markers, existentialism, Emerson, and good food.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
1/24/2004
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| My secret goal..I was both the rejected and the mean one growing up. This is because church life was different than school life... and this was over a long span of time. You can see how this turned me into a twisted person..
In school, the years I had groups of friends was when I/we was mean. Some years, my friends and I got different teachers so I would be a total introvert during those years. Really odd. I would also learn mean tactics and how to emotionally fcuk with people's minds from my mom and older sister. Yes. I am my own therapist.
So I was sitting by myself in the parking lot of Best Buy and thought... you know, I was pretty good at being mean... I should do something with it. I wish they would put an Asian girl on Gossip Girl. I could play her. (Even though I never watched it before... i'm taking a big guess that they don't have an Asian girl. And that the show has to do with girls being mean).
Yeah, that's my secret aspiration. It's got nothing to do with fashion or whatever. haha (I hear girls raving about their awesome sense of style and such all the time... I wouldn't know.)
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| AppearanceBefore Gmail Chat came around (where it automatically saves AIM conversations to a folder), I used to save interesting conversations by emailing them to myself.
I went through them and wow. I can't believe that I talked like that... I sounded so pathetic... esp this one part.. Something happened, and I went to some people I knew to try to figure it out. This is what they said
xanpredator91: ok let me tell you this
xanpredator91: there were no so called rules
xanpredator91: He's just going through a phase where hes giving up on some friends
xanpredator91: he probably thinks youre "old" now
xanpredator91: and different
xanpredator91: and to him, dorky/nerdy
xanpredator91: he thinks you are different
and
pEarLy: I think he just made new friends but he doesn't want to lose them
pEarLy: so he went the wrong way by treating YOU differently
pEarLy: he cares about his appearance now
(related to my With entry) When I was 14 a friend just cut me off. That person never told me why, he just started to completely ignore me. I sort of guessed why though. It was especially rough on me though because during that time because I had no other friends but him and felt misunderstood by everyone else. BTW this didn't happen at school; it was at my (big) church. So basically the only person that understood me (at least, I thought) cut me off.
Five years later here I am. I'm healed from this and still working on my social skills.
Thing is, they were right. I did act "different" ... as in weird. (the bad kind, assuming from people's looks)
But the question I had when I read these AIM convos is... would it have mattered if I wasn't weird looking as well??? I feel like he/people would have accepted the weirdness/differentness maybe if I had been prettier. It's okay to be weird, as long as you're not weird looking as well, because that's just too much right.
Sometimes I wonder that... if prettier people are "different," people see it as 'strong individuality' and good stuff... but the same rules don't apply in the other case.
Ohmygod, I'm almost 20 and I'm writing/thinking like a 14 year old.
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| It's weird because when we were little my mom wasn't home a lot of the time because she was trying to support us. Now, (maybe cuz she's getting older) she doesn't really go out to work anymore.
I wish it were the other way around.
I feel so free when she's out. I feel so... pressed when she's around.
Egypt.
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| with.I love how in my background pic, there is a little poster in the background that says "With."
That's TaeYang walking his bulldog "Boss". A dog is a man's best friend and that goes along with the poster that says "With". I thought that was cute, esp since they're in Korea.
I said I died. I was struggling with giving up my desires. Everything. And I did. "Lay down your Isaac." Well, except...
The only two things I really want that I can't seem to let go are:
1) For everyone that I have ever hurt or rejected to know that I am truly sorry, whether or not it was intentional.
2) For everyone that rejected me to feel sorry that they ever did.
The second one especially. I just wanna be like HAHHHHHHHHH!
yeah, I'm selfish. and a loser apparently since it seems that I can't let it go.
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| iLikeThe sound non-mechanical pencils make when they write on paper, getting a good picture without trying, warm fronts and rain boots, cat-eye sunglasses, mohawks, the window seat, Pharrell Williams, references and puns regarding science math or economics in conversation, African Grey parrots, cubes, ironing wrinkly shirts, and white German Shepherds
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